This Week I Swear

Scheiße

No other word can describe the feeling I have today....



Scheiße

A brief history of the duck face...

We've all been on Facebook and seen it. It lurks in all picture albums soon it will invade Google Plus...

(The Duck Face)

What about this face is appealing? To understand the appeal of the duck face one must look at recent pop culture beginning with the television show "In Living Color"

(point and case, first duck face)

Now though, this face has become a plague on social media sites like Facebook, Google Plus, and especially the cyber ghetto known as Myspace. However, pretty much everyone does not look good in this pose but it lingers on and on like a stray baby looking for food.

Filthy people and their duck faces. Honestly and truly does this look good to anyone? How did a once great pose used by the likes of Zoolander deteriorate into the face used by cheap ladies of the night in their profiles pics.

(really whats next the lama face?)

So in short don't do the duck face please, and thank you.

That is all for today thanks for reading

today's song of the day

Trollington is coming so before they arrive enjoy this stuff

 Arctic Monkeys-505

Flight of the Conchords-If Your'e into it

Delta Spirit-Bushwick Blues
(Thanks Dude)

The Notorious BIG V. The XX-Mo' Stars Mo' Problems

(SAY NO TO BAD MUSIC)

The Devil Is Now Off The Air

At long last the clown of Fox News has left the air. Hopefully, we will not have to see such a mockery of journalism ever again. It is hard to explain the sort of feeling I have regarding Mr. Beck, it is truly hard to tell if he believes the things that he says or if he just found an easy way to make money. Either way he has said some truly despicable things over the course of the past two years. He has fostered hatred and paranoia within the United States, and in large part thanks to the sort of viciously one sided reporting that this man has delivered. The United States is now more xenophobic then it was during the height of the cold war. Thanks to the likes of Mr. Beck the nation now thirsts for showmanship and extravagance in reporting, the last place it should ever be. Thanks to the likes of Mr. Beck and other political pundits who work under the auspices of journalism many of my compatriots now feel obliged to openly judge one another not by the content of their character but rather by their political ideology. It makes me sick to my stomach to think that he has twisted fact into fiction to convince the most uneducated against those who would help them. In short thank God this dude is finally off television better late then never I suppose.

(Bon Voyage Puto)

Thanks for reading

Today's song of the day

the day of a thousand voicemails

The day has started as promptly as all other days, around the crack of noon. Today was not like other days though. Today would be a day that would rock my cellphone into death. Not actual death or electronic death rather the kind of death that is fixed with an hour or so on the charger. At this point I'm sure you're asking yourself what would cause this. Simple... The Day of One Thousand Voicemails! As to where or from whom the Voicemails came from is of trivial concern. Some from friends, some from my enemies some from long lost acquaintances. In short I really lacked the care necessary to answer my phone for anyone today.




As always Thanks for reading.

May the force be with you.

Some Music You Need In Your Life

Some good news today the US National team beat some dirty deadlocked Jamaicans back to the Caribbean.

God Bless the USA

Back to the LC

Good day friends and happy June. I have made a quick return to the LC, this morning at 4:00am central time I began my voyage from Fayeteville to Little Rock "the rock", then onto Dallas then to El Paso, finally to end up in Las Cruces NEW MEXICO!

(Southwest transporting people for cheap since 71)

This is how much ground I covered before noon

(Texas is a very big state)

So I'm back in town for a few days. Shoot me a text or a call, if you don't have my number then get it from someone that does.

A Very Katy Perry Sunday

Alrighty then, so yesterday. The epic day of Katy Perry Arkansas Radio. While the title of today's post may sound cryptic it truly is not. So now that I am working with Northstar for the summer my free time has come down to Sundays and weekends. So yesterday we decided to go run errands and get food. Did I mention yesterday was Mother's Day. So we began off with brunch at Gaucho's in Chenal. For those of you not familiar with the Little Rock area that is in the "classy" part of town. Were the people were there finest camouflage and tuxedo T-shirts.

(Average Family in Chenal)

The crazy thing is that on the way to brunch Katy Perry was playing on the radio. I'm not quiet sure what song was playing but I do know that my roommate Cipriano both loves and adores Katy Perry's work. So the sing along soon ensued. After Brunch we made our way to hunt down some Vibram five finger shoes.

(Yes. This is what we looked for)

The strangest thing happened though, again Katy Perry was blasting on the radio. It took a few moments to comprehend what was going on. My first thought was that somehow a Katy Perry album had been smuggled into the vehicle. No this would be to convenient. No somehow there was a tear in the fabric of both space and time that made the radio stations of little rock play nothing but Katy Perry on Mother's Day. So again the sing along ensued. Once the shoes, or as I affectionately call them, ninja killing footwear were procured we left back to the apartment, or as I call it the Snake Pit.

(My Apartment)

Eventually we ended up at the Flying Saucer which has the most amazing selection of beer I have ever seen in my life. Beer from all over the world and awesome happy hour pricing ensued. Again though on the way down town who was playing. Katy Perry, three times in a day this was most definitely a sign. As to what it means I have no clue. The night ended at a fine establishment down the road from the Flying Saucer, with delicious buffalo chicken quesso dip and a few more beers before we made our epic voyage back to the snake pit. On the way though back to the van we ran into a crackhead.

(What Crackhead looked like)

He offered us some crack. We declined and sped home, you will never guess what was playing on the way back home though. If you guessed Katy Perry you are very right. Needless to say if I ever hear Katy Perry playing on my day off again, I will personally drive to the radio station it is being played at and beat the DJ.

From Humid Arkansas,

That is all for today thanks for reading.

Today's song of the day

Did I mention we watched Life Aquatic!

Why I am still a supporter of our president.

It would seem as though politics in America has turned dirty over the past few years. Between tea party activists and folks who just plain don't believe our president is American. If there was ever proof that our president has done a good job it came last night. With God's good grace and divine intervention a very bad person died at the hands of American soldiers. Never before have I felt so happy to hear of a mans death. Let us take this time to remember that while we ask for frivolous things from our elected officials they truly have great things at task. It may take time to get the things that we want but these things come in time, just as the big things.

So let us celebrate our nations great victory. Let us remember that no matter what our politics, or political parties dictate our elected officials still work very hard to provide for the general welfare, and security of the American populous. Furthermore, let us go forward throughout the day with a renewed sense of hope and pride for the future of our great nation and for ourselves.

(Obama got Osama)

In short God Bless America.

That is all for today, thank you for reading.

The land that has no menudo! (my hungover journey)

Arkansas, land of delicious BBQ, awesome fried pies, Johnny Cash, and Bill Clinton. One would think a place that has been responsible for more clogged arteries then Burger King would know a thing or two about menudo. Unfortunately it does not, my first Saturday night in Arkansas was spent with friends drinking Amberbock beer and sake.

(Good Beer)

The beer most of us could handle, but the sake... Well that's another story all in itself. After all, it comes from a place that worships a gigantic lizard monster who shoots lasers from his mouth. In short it is devastating. I digress though, after last night we came back to the apartments to sleep, and sleep we did. Then the sun came with all of it's horrible, horrible light. So with the days vengefull light and rain, I went forward into an unforgiving Arkansas Sunday, first bit of bad news of the day. No liquor sales on Sunday, therefor no mimosas with breakfast. Second aweful piece of news, no menudo anywhere!

(when you take the worst parts of all animals you get amazing soup)

I'm not going to lie I felt like crying... What you have to understand is menudo is the cure to the common hangover. It cures headaches, stomach aches, dry mouth, and replaces the taste of blood, and stripper with the taste of delicious chilli. In affect it gives you a second set of intestines to help digest all of the alcohol and other bad things that are in your body.

(Headache, symptom of hungover)

So I have learned my lesson, no more drinking in Arkansas. There is no menudo...

That is all for today, Thanx for reading.

Today's song of the day

The Great Overland Voyage episode I

I have arrived, in the land of BBQ and Razorbacks. The journey was interesting to say the least. Filled with peril, hippies, and bad gas station food at every corner of the trip. Somewhere in the middle of Texas I met a girl named Heather, we will call her Granola Heather though, due to the fact that she both smelled like and was eating granola bars. She shared her thoughts on her screen play she was writing, as well as why people should grow there own food and live communally.

+

='s

(Girl that looks uncannily similar to Granola Heather)

After speaking with Heather, whom I presume was in a drug induced trance the majority of the time we spoke we went further east. Around 300 or 400 miles later we stopped gassed up and got some food... From a gas station! Biggest mistake of the day.

(Gas Station Disaster)

After the bad food, drugged up hippies, and a thousand miles we have made it. Now, the fun begins.

That's all for today, Thanks for reading.

Today's song of the day.

My Journey to the Heart of Darkness, AKA The South

Friends, may I begin off by saying that you are all wonderful people. It has been a pleasure to hang out with all of you. However, I must leave for a while. My destination, the Dirty South. Namely Arkansas, and other places surrounding it. I will begin my epic overland voyage tomorrow.

(Little Rock, capitol of ignorance and delicious BBQ)

The trip will be long, but fret not I shall return in August. The next few months will be both long and arduous but I am not afraid of the challenges that await me. After all a place that has been responsible for both dump truck cars, Walmart, and the people whom inhabit the warehouse super centers should give me some great laughs.

(Dump Truck Car)

(Average citizen of the south, note the wood camo)

So wish me luck, I will see you all very soon.

That is all for today, thank you for reading, peace, and one love.

Today's song of the day

Help the manatees or Gina will eat your face

Manatees, the cows of the sea. Not to be confused with dolphins, which help make part of chicken of the sea.

(mmm... Chicken of the Sea)

Every year the manatee species encroaches on human land and manatee attacks on toddlers and fishermen increase (last year by 87%)! Yet many feel that manatee attacks on boats and small children are somehow humans fault. Many even want to save the species from extinction, namely Gina.

(This is Gina and she will eat your face, unless you save the manatees)

So, go save some manatees so your face is intact and you can help the manatees with their conquest of the human species, but seriously though manatees are essential to some waters ecosystems.

That is all, thanks for reading.

Today's song of the day.

Easter and the devils beer

So, may I begin off by saying happy Easter. I am spending the day back in the motherland... Alamogordo NM, a place that strangely resembles Eastern Europe.

(Original Settlers of Alamogordo AKA Gypsys)

The day has been long but enjoyable, it has been spent eating pig, cow, chicken, and several other animals. The food prepared by the mother, and grandmother was spectacular. Needles to say both my sister and I have gorged ourselves on tasty animal ribs, and cheesy potato.

(The Sister, one of five; very obvious descendant of original gypsy founders.)

So all in all the day was good, we ate good food. Enjoyed some zombie movies, and avoided arguing all day! Now on to other topics, like the beer I've been drinking lately.

Arrogant Bastard Ale



(Are you truly worthy?)



Ok, we've all seen this bottle you know which one I'm talking about the big bottle, the one that is kind of... well you know over compensating for something. Well I tried this behemoth a few days ago and it is truly not as scary as people made it out to be. My first thoughts when viewing the bottle were something like

"Holy shit the devil brews beer now! I have to try it."

After carefully listening to people compare a bottle of this to a can of Four Loko, I was mentally preparing myself for what was to be one of the most drunken nights of my life....

It was all hype. After about a half an hour of sipping on it I began waiting with baited breathes for the ensuing debauchery to begin. It failed to arrive, not only that but after the whole bottle I felt a strange feeling in my mouth. The feeling? Cotton mouth, yes the plague of stoners had somehow entered my body.  Overall the beer was good, hyped up for supposed demonic properties but still good. It was a full bodied beer with almost no hopp notes and an extremely dry finish. It is most definitely worth trying when someone else is willing to buy it. So the final conclusion for Arrogant Bastard Ale is simple, if you are willing to dish out almost ten dollars for a bottle to look like a bad ass in front of other people without actually getting drunk, you are worthy. If you are not though then you and your money are not worthy of the ensuing cotton mouth that goes hand in hand with the devils brew.

Thanks for reading, that is all...

Today's song of the day

GO CHELSEA

Communist Godzilla V. Capitalist Godzilla

The Cold War, perhaps one of the most terrifying times to live on the Planet Earth, every day in this era the world could have come crashing to a sudden and abrupt halt.

(You Know because of nuclear holocaust)

Thankfully it did not. Now we can look back and laugh at every near catastrophic event and enjoy propaganda generated by decades of mutual hatred. Including the question of whether or not the giant lizard monsters of East Asia would be capitalists or communists.

(King of Monsters? or Evil Capitalist oppressor of monsters?)

So most folks know of Godzilla, or as he is affectionately known in Japan as God. However, not many people know about the socialist Pulgassari. The monster who stood for the North Korean communist regime.

(the face of communism?)

So Pulgasari could shoot things out of his mouth like Godzilla, fought against evil Korean Kings and was made out of rice, and activated with the blood of imprisoned Korean women. Seriously, I'm not making up any of this shit. Check out this video depicting everything I just told you.

Now, I'm not a communist, or a socialist but shouldn't we be asking ourselves why Godzilla is so upset all the time with the other monsters? After all have you ever seen Godzilla just relaxing with one of them, or quietly passing them? The answer is no. He constantly comes to the aide of his Japanese handlers who only tell him to fight. So what does Godzilla do, he fights the monsters until they are defeated then they are shipped off to Monster Island. Where they waste away in a nature preserve, that oddly resembles a prison.

 

(Monster Island Correctional Facility)

So what do the other monsters fight for? Equality, social justice, or the ability to live normal monster lives? Godzilla allows none of this, instead he is the King of Monsters, and he rules with an iron fist.

 (fought for stricter nuclear waste control, and lost)

So in short, is Godzilla really the King of Monsters or is he just another dictator propped up by the west during the cold war? I'll let you decide.

Thanks for reading, that's all for today.

Today's song of the day

The things that have quenched my thirst lately

Good Morning, I hope the end of March has been treating you all well. Hopefully you got to check out that gigantic moon the other night. As of late I have had a hard time thinking of what to write, then suddenly last night it dawned on me. Beer, but not just any beer rather the beer that is currently occupying my refrigerator.

Imperial Java Stout by The Santa Fe Brewing Co.

This beer truly lives up to the name stout. It is thick with very heavy coffee notes and some chocolate notes to it as well. This beer is not only full bodied but it also has quiet a bit of alcohol at 8%. It goes amazingly well with any sort of sweet dessert.

Cutthroat Porter by Odell Brewing Co.

This brew company has caught my eye with the labels on their bottles. If the rest of their beers are like Cutthroat Porter then I will be in for a real treat as I make my way through the rest of their beers. This beer had some coffee, and some chocolate notes to it. It went well with the Carne Asada I fried up. The beer is not as full bodied or as alcoholic as a stout, yet is much more complex then a lager.

Thanks for reading, that's all for today.

Today's song of the day

The second greatest beverage ever made,

Coffee, the fourth most widely consumed beverage on earth behind water, tea, and beer. It is however the only stimulant in the list. The origins of coffee remain shrouded in mystery. However, what we do know of were this wonderful bean came from is that is came from Ethiopia.

(this is Ethiopia)

Some of the original myths of how coffee was discovered include goats, birds, mystical wizards, and monasteries. Coffee made its way out of eastern Africa to the Arabian peninsula via modern day Yemen, then slowly through modern day Turkey, Iran and eventually the rest of the Muslim world. Eventually Venetian traders brought coffee from the Ottoman Empire to the Italian peninsula, at which point it became very popular with the local aristocracy. What ensued was a great debate over whether coffee was acceptable for consumption by Catholics. Eventually coffee was not banned by Pope Clement VIII and began to make its way throughout Europe being introduced into different royal courts.

(patron saint of coffee?)

The world suppliers of coffee would change hands many times. The Dutch were the first who truly cultivated coffee in a plantation style by teaming up with some native Indians to beat the Portuguese off of the subcontinent of India. As a reward the Dutch were given coffee trees that they took back to Amsterdam and began growing them in greenhouses. Eventually the trees also made it to the island of Java where the Dutch implemented  plantation style growing and soon began supplying Europe with Java coffee.

(use this contraption called a french press)

As we all know coffee would soon come to the New World through Gabriel De Clieu who planted the newly arrived coffee trees at Martinique in 1720. Eventually coffee would flourish in the Western Hemisphere and dramatically change the course of history in some Western countries. It has been said that the terrible conditions on coffee plantations was a reason the Haitian revolution occurred.

(Gabriel De Clieu)

We can now enjoy more coffee then ever thanks to establishments like Starbucks, and all of your local coffee houses. Enjoy a cup iced or hot, black or mixed with all kinds of stuff in it.

That's all for today, thanks for reading.

Today's song of the day

The greatest beverage ever made.

Beer has been considered essential to the development of society. In the history of man only water and tea exceed beer in consumption but neither match the research and hard work in regards to preparation and cultivation. The earliest records of beer production date back to 3500 BC, and could possibly date back to the early neolithic period.

(The first drinking game)

Today we can enjoy more beer then ever, from pilsners to stouts there has never been a better time to join the near eternal fraternity of beer consumers. So here are my suggestions for a few beers.

1. Shiner Bock

 A favorite for a warm day, which we have plenty of here in New Mexico. It is a darker beer brewed in the heart of Texas. The taste is very enjoyable and pairs well with greasy bar-b-que. It has a distinctly charred caramel taste that is more similar to an old world style 

beer then a new world. For the price it is worth sipping on not chugging. Cheers!

2. Bitburger

A great German beer a perfect example of old world pilsners. It has an exceptionally clean finish that goes well with any kind of good German food especially curry wurst. It can now be found in most American liquor stores and is well worth the extra import cost. So if you want one just say bitte eine bit! (One bit please) Prost.

  

3. Big Flats

May I begin off with a defense of Big Flats beer. As a poor college aged person this is truly a godsend. It is true it comes out to 50 cents a can, it is true it is not the best beer on earth, and it is true that it is well worth 50 cents a can! I mean seriously you just can't beat 50 cents a can. Not only that but it is much better then most American lagers especially Keystone and Budweiser. This beer is solely responsible for many good times, but it is definitely not made for sipping. For the beer lover on a budget this is for you. It is still beer not malt liquor so get this instead of that nasty stuff. It is excellent for such past times like beer pong, and other games were a cup or two might end up on the floor. Seriously 50 cents! (and by 50 cents I don't mean the mediocre rapper) CHUG!

4.Dos Equis

My last name couldn't be Garcia if I didn't include at least one Mexican beer in this post. So with that said here it is Dos Equis, for the chap that doesn't go for the tequila when in Mexico this is your alternative to Corona and Tecate. Dos Equis is a very good example of a New World style lager slightly skunky when warm and very fruity when cold it goes well with some salt and lime. Try some with some tacos de buche or some carnitas. You will be amazed the refreshing crisp taste that this beer has. Salud

5. Happy Camper IPA

 The can, just look at the can it is cool. I have never been a big fan of India Pale Ales, but this one is very good. It is not over overbearingly hoppy like some ipas but it is extremely refreshing but still lingers the way an ipa does. For anyone looking for a vegative hoppy beer this is for you.

That's all for today, Thanks for reading.

Today's song of the day.